Next step by next step

I return, moderately triumphant.

Actually, I got back to England half way through July, but I had some extra tasks to be getting along with. First and foremost among these was convincing a very pretty young woman I'd been romancing (ineptly) since Christmas to be my actual, all-the-time, meet-the-parents, hold-hands girlfriend. I will forgive you your scepticism, as I was similarly pessimistic about my chances of success. I would like to take this opportunity, therefore, to pat myself on the back and give you, dear reader, a jolly good raspberry, because said femme is now my (already regretful) GF. So there.

I also needed to graduate from my Masters, the academic component of which finished over a year ago. But my parents wanted to see my walk the walk, and since they financed the whole thing both financially and emotionally, I thought it only fair that they get to see me dress up like a gay wizard and stumble across the stage clutching at my mortarboard.

Finally, I had to finish my book. Remember that? The thing I was talking about in my very first post, all that time ago? Well I'm as surprised as you are, but I finished the bloody thing. At just over 80,000 words it's what is known in the publishing trade as a 'short book,' but hopefully when I get some feedback it will get a little longer.

The only problem is that now I've finished the trip (did you look at the tumblr? You really should, I never thought windfarms could be so beautiful), and got the certificate, and finished the book, and most importantly won the girl (although I better do some shaping up and flying right in that regard from now on), is that I have to get a J-O-B.

I can hear you lamenting on my behalf, internet, and I thank you for it. My time from now on will be filled with formulating interesting and coherent answers to the question: "why do you want to work here?" I cannot, of course, let slip the true answer, that I don't want to work there, or anywhere, except in the coffee shop writing fiction, or possibly lying around in my pants playing Dead Space 2 on my father's flat-screen TV (a task to which I am no doubt suited, but am unlikely to find financial remuneration for).

Since writing is the only thing I'm particularly good at, it makes sense to seek employment in some sector that might benefit from my skills, and not drive me to immediate and violent suicide. So before I move to London to seek my fortune, and as I wait on feedback for the book (and begin the slow and lonely toil of editing and changing a skimpy, poorly-plotted piece of speculative fiction into something people might actually pay for), I'm going to start looking for copywriting positions, either freelance or part-time. Most employers will rightly be looking for examples of people's work before considering paying for it, and this website is the primary writing platform I have, which means three things for this blog:

1. I'm going to have to start using fewer parenthesis, and probably shorter sentences too. I'll keep splitting infinitives, because screw you, that's why.

2. I'm probably going to have to start proof-reading what I write, instead of just half-heartedly gabbling away while I watch Nicktoons.

3. I'm going to have to start reformatting some of the posts I create to fit with the copywriting positions I'm applying for.

What that means in basic terms is that I'm going to be broadening the scope of Verbal Slapstick, at least in the short term, and also attempting a much more regular update schedule, possibly as often as once or twice a week. Whether this is a positive development if up to you (it's certainly going to appear on your Facebook feed a lot more), and the same goes for the change in content. I'm going to start doing more reviews, mostly albums, books and video games (because they're the only things I know anything about), and mostly older texts at that (because until I have a job I have no money, and new games are prohibitively expensive).

So in short: Verbal Slapstick: Coming to a cover-letter near you. If you have anything you'd particularly like me to talk about or review do email me at verbalslapstick@gmail.com, and if you think the writing stinks, let me know why.